by Kent Sterling
Evelyn Lozada was engaged to former NBA star Antoine Walker, now bankrupt after earning $108,142,015 during a 13-year NBA career. She was also married for one month to Chad “Ocho Cinco” Johnson, who was sentenced to thirty days in jail today for acting like a tool in a Broward County (FL) courtroom.
This woman either attracts idiots like moths to a flame, or she turns them stupid with her vexing female wiles.
Whichever the case, I would enthusiastically avoid her if I were a professional athlete. Her attention would indicate that I either am a dope, or will soon become one.
Lozada is one of the star of “Basketball Wives” on VH1, as if athletes needed another reason to rebuff advances. Nothing smells of danger like dating a reality series cast member.
As for Johnson, he had a plea deal worked out that would have kept him out of the pokey until he was asked by the judge whether he was happy with his representation. Johnson responded by whacking his attorney on the ass.
Broward County Circuit Judge Kathleen McHugh was not amused.
“I don’t know that you’re taking this whole thing seriously. I just saw you slap your attorney on the backside. Is there something funny about this? The whole courtroom was laughing. I’m not going to accept these plea negotiations. This isn’t a joke.”
So, as is always the case when knuckleheads collide, there are lessons and laughs to be had.
First the lessons:
- Never marry a reality show star with 1,171,7087 Twitter followers who knows how to use a broken heart emoticon
My heart is broke 💔
— Evelyn Lozada (@EvelynLozada) June 9, 2013
- Check the credit reports of all former spouses or near former spouses
- Never assume a judge enjoys frivolity in the courtroom
- Never headbutt your wife, but especially avoid that if she’s the star of a reality show
- If you are going to crack wise in a courtroom, pack for a month
The laughs always come when bad things happen to others, and this qualifies in so many ways, I get dizzy thinking about it.