Evelyn Lozada Is the Typhoid Mary of Stupid Behavior

by Kent Sterling

I googled "domestic tranquility antonym" and look what picture popped up.  Our couple of the day - Chad and Evelyn!

I googled “domestic tranquility antonym” and look what picture popped up. Our couple of the day – Chad and Evy!

Evelyn Lozada was engaged to former NBA star Antoine Walker, now bankrupt after earning $108,142,015 during a 13-year NBA career.  She was also married for one month to Chad “Ocho Cinco” Johnson, who was sentenced to thirty days in jail today for acting like a tool in a Broward County (FL) courtroom.

This woman either attracts idiots like moths to a flame, or she turns them stupid with her vexing female wiles.

Whichever the case, I would enthusiastically avoid her if I were a professional athlete.  Her attention would indicate that I either am a dope, or will soon become one.

Lozada is one of the star of “Basketball Wives” on VH1, as if athletes needed another reason to rebuff advances.  Nothing smells of danger like dating a reality series cast member.

As for Johnson, he had a plea deal worked out that would have kept him out of the pokey until he was asked by the judge whether he was happy with his representation.  Johnson responded by whacking his attorney on the ass.

Broward County Circuit Judge Kathleen McHugh was not amused.

“I don’t know that you’re taking this whole thing seriously. I just saw you slap your attorney on the backside. Is there something funny about this?  The whole courtroom was laughing. I’m not going to accept these plea negotiations. This isn’t a joke.”

So, as is always the case when knuckleheads collide, there are lessons and laughs to be had.

First the lessons:

  • Never marry a reality show star with 1,171,7087 Twitter followers who knows how to use a broken heart emoticon

  • Check the credit reports of all former spouses or near former spouses
  • Never assume a judge enjoys frivolity in the courtroom
  • Never headbutt your wife, but especially avoid that if she’s the star of a reality show
  • If you are going to crack wise in a courtroom, pack for a month

The laughs always come when bad things happen to others, and this qualifies in so many ways, I get dizzy thinking about it.

7 thoughts on “Evelyn Lozada Is the Typhoid Mary of Stupid Behavior

  1. Jeff Gregory

    Johnson hasn’t exercised a lot of common sense in his decision-making. However, the judge’s decision to put him in jail for a month for what is, to Johnson, a common way of communicating (however frivolous) is ridiculous. It appears that the judge is more full of herself than Johnson was. Just my opinion.

    1. Ricki Lucas

      I agree with the judge, he should be able to know the difference between a court and a football field. It was disrespectful to the court and the justice system as a whole. I never liked him to begin with. Deuces to that idiot.

      1. Jeff Gregory

        I am not excusing Johnson. I am merely stating that his action towards his lawyer (which there is no evidence that it was unwelcomed) doesn’t justify a month of jail time. I think a reprimand from the bench would have been more commiserate with the offense. Going to jail for friendly backside slap is akin to shooting a fly with an elephant gun. You state that you never liked him. Personal distaste should never be an element of meting out justice.

  2. Kerri

    I’m sorry, last time I checked Chad was an adult. He made the decision to head-butt Ev just like he made the choice to slap his representative on the butt. What does this have to do with Ev? Oh.. the fact that she called the cops on him as her face was leaking with blood? Ev isn’t the bad guy here. Ocho has been a NUT before he and Ev began dating. Mr.Sterling, this article should not be about Ev and the mistakes she’s made.

    1. kentsterling Post author

      Never wrote that she made a mistake, just that she attracts men who make life changing errors – or that men who are attracted to her are prone to make mistakes.

      Obviously, domestic violence is a topic to be made light of, and this post never makes any mention of the domestic violence, or excuses Johnson’s head butt in any way.


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