by Kent Sterling
Again, another group of kids corrupted by the narrow-mindedness and misplaced passion of parents and coaches.
One thing about which we all agree in the Jackie Robinson West disqualification story is that the kids are absolved from any responsibility. They are not culpable for any of the actions that led Little League to strip the team other American or Great Lakes Regional championships.
The kids showed up, played hard, enjoyed many moments of grace, and embraced their roles in the renaissance of baseball in a community that in large part abandoned it decades ago.
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The final lesson learned by this team – and reaffirmed by this mess – is that parents are the absolute worst thing in youth sports. The behavior of the coaches in breaking Little League rules to gain a competitive advantage, and outrage expressed by parents as the decision was discussed made clear – again – that parents are way too invested in the results of their kids’ extracurricular activities.
Back in the day, parents rarely even attended youth sports contests. Now, they act like agents more than moms and dads. “Treats are for WINNERS!” they yell like Alec Baldwin’s character in Glengarry Glen Ross.
That is why people assembling travel teams should select parents rather than kids. Building a team of sane parents who understand that the rewards for playing youth sports come from participating, not winning ensures a fun atmosphere.
To strip the process of adversity for the kids distorts and corrupts the core lesson available through playing. It’s hard to learn how to overcome adversity where none exists.
Here are five questions parents should ask themselves to determine whether they are good or bad sports parents:
- Have you ever asked a coach about playing time?
- Have you complained about a coach in front of your child?
- Do you reward for a win and punish for a loss?
- Have you pulled your child off a team over his or her objection?
- Do you own a shirt bearing your child’s image that you wear to games?
If you answered two or more of those questions in the affirmative, you need to have a talk with a friend or family member because you are likely driving your kid nuts – or at least making the experience playing less enjoyable than it can be.
Even worse, you may be causing those who might see your child as a potential member of a team pass on issuing an invitation to play because smart organizers/coaches select kids based upon how the parents will interact.
I was an assistant coach for my son’s travel baseball team from ages 9-12. The first year was abject misery. The team was organized by the town’s youth baseball organization and the coaches were devoted to winning. The kids were unhappy, confused, and eventually bored. The assistant coaches were equally tormented. Parents were furious.
The only positive that came out of the first year was that several parents were so disillusioned by the unhappiness of what should’ve been a joyful summer that we decided to assemble our own renegade team outside the auspices of the program that nearly destroyed our sons’ love of baseball.
Years two through four were bliss because as the culture of the Fishers Marlins was discussed, debated, and implemented, the decision was made to build the program through inviting centered and reasonable parents we enjoyed hanging out with instead of the very best baseball players. On-field competence was necessary, but a refusal to deal with moronic parents was key to the kids enjoying themselves throughout the next three years.
Opposing coaches wore full uniforms. We wore Hawaiian shirts. Teaching the game and playing with a smile were the goals of everyone involved. We won and had party. We lost and had a party. Every decision was driven by what would be the most fun for the kids (and us). It was perfect.
I felt bad for the kids who were never invited because of an ass of a dad or mom who was so heavily invested in their kids’ success it corrupted their ability to enjoy themselves, but like the best business deals being those you never make, the best roster decisions were the families we didn’t invite.
The Jackie Robinson West team from Chicago appears to be run by parents who felt success trumped the lessons available to their kids. After the decision wasted public, instead of talking about the need to follow rules in life and smiling through adversity, the talk is about how the game was rigged in their disfavor by a society that won’t allow them to succeed.
If you were a parent of one of those kids, which lesson would you try to present?
You’re absolutely right Kent, but I want to take these comments one step further. Here in Chicago, I hear a lot of people finding fault with the decision to take away the championship because “the kids didn’t do anything wrong, so why should they be punished?” Not only are parents often the problem when things like this happens, but organization tasked with running leagues, tournaments, contests, etc. are often blasted when they’re just doing their best to keep things fair. Instead of criticizing the organization for taking away the championship, people should realize the adults who decided to skirt the rules in the first place were the ones robbing the kids of a wholesome experience. These same misguided adults are probably telling the kids today that they should feel bitter that something was taken away from them. The real lesson for our kids – whether it’s sports, music, or any other pursuit where there is a score or judging – winners and losers – should be that it’s all about doing your best, having fun, and what a judge says at the end of the day, whether or not you go home with a trophy, or whether or not you won or lost DOES NOT determine your self worth.
Beautifully stated. Exactly right. Our culture is a mess because of shallow thinkers like Rahm Emanuel and Jesse Jackson.
Kent, if I am wrong here, I’ll gladly accept correction. I am a retired prep school history teacher and coach of tennis, soccer and girls’ lacrosse teams for over 40 years. I think it is safe and politically-correct to criticize only the parents and coaches involved in this sad incident. I merely want to ask a question: didn’t these kids, who were outstanding players in their district, realize that they were no longer with their regular teammates, but were now on a de facto all-star team with kids from well beyond their district boundaries? Moreover, wouldn’t other teams in other parts of the country – be they predominantly white, Hispanic, Asian, or diverse, have been more competitive had they done something similar to this Chicago group?
Absolutely right on both counts. To say that the kids didn’t know the score is nutty. They may have been blissfully unaware of the rules,but I guarantee you that the kids from inside the district who were bumped in favor of those from outside knew what was going on.